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1. |
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rest in agony, i don’t care, i don’t care, i never cared
it’s all anger, all outward facing pain
i don’t care, i never cared, i don’t, i don’t, i don’t, i don't
i won’t hold my tongue
i won’t hold your lungs
i won’t feel your breath
i won’t put my tongue on your chest
i won’t hold you down, if that’s what you thought of me this whole Time
i wasted your heart, wasted your Soul and mind
and now i’m tryin’ to make you a poem
using only primary colors
and primary emotions
so why won’t you believe me when i say i've always Loved you?
'cause i still Love you even though it breaks my heart, heart, heart, heart
so what are these residues on my sheets?
this Creativity we shared
is it all for naught, is it all forgot?
no, no, no
i did what i had to, but not what i ought to do, for you
i did what i had to do not for you but for myself
and if you can’t forgive me, well i guess, i guess you’ll have to Love someone else
you can’t forgive me, but sweetie, you still have those Lovely feelings
we shared on every road trip, down south, due west, due north, everywhere you turn
i am there
and everywhere i go, i carry you inside
everywhere i go… more of you dies
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2. |
again
04:59
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i’ve never felt this way, felt this way
i feel like i’m floating on a cloud
riding a zephyr like a zeppelin like a poem
i’m floating over all my old desperate feelings
this all feels brand new, brand new
oh, you are all brand new
all brand new
i’m stuck craving your touch
my dreams hold onto your face
oh sweet, this is the start of something brand new
something brand new, starting within me, maybe starting within… you
brand new, brand new, brand new
i’m stuck in this old idea
that i don’t have worth
that i’m worthless
but this Love
i felt before
returns again
returns again
returns again
returns again
all these old sad songs are not worthless
i have feelings, once again,
once again (x16)
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3. |
family
05:23
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i played you all of my old hits
'the first day of my life'
'last leaf', 'True Love waits'
what did you say?
what did i say?
there’s only embarrassment now but at the beginning there was infatuation mindless and
irrational feelings that burned in my chest, burned in my loins, boined in my head
i waited on my projection to be proved wrong
that we could be artists and support each others’ art but i never got along
i couldn’t teach you about chord changes and tempo so we could never play in Time or in tune
or get back to what was good about the start
i played 'blame it on the tetons' you asked for one of my
classic covers
i have all these songs with simple chord progressions that can be taught online (hahaha)
but you don’t seem to mind
i, waited on the spell to be lifted
to be who i was in a sustainable sense
there’s only this pain, there’s only this aching difference
oh God, oh God save me now
i’m crying out, crying out in the forest
i lost myself, i lost myself to you
and now i just keep writing the same song to never get to you
i hope you’re okay with me writing back
you told me you’re letting go completely now, that hurt
didn’t hurt, it surprised me, it overwhelms 'cause i realized waiting for myself to help you heal
or you to heal me too
and now my fingers cannot even reach the strings
guitar or heart
oh, just hold me now
hold me now
i need someone at the end of the night
to talk about my day
same as it ever was
it’s just longing now
for family
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4. |
contradictions remain
06:14
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i’m not uncomplicated
i know what i am
i don’t land
i’m a broken man
this vessel’s been made to pour out
over all our sins
and i am here waitin’
you are here as a shadow to
haunt my path, haunt my waking hours
and i am lookin’ out for what coulda been
i’m wastin’ my hours, lives and years
i’ve been waitin’ for a moment
to come that i don’t understand yet
i’m not intelligent
i haven’t made sense in over a week since
i did the deed
now i’m tryin' to suss out
control from chaos
pain turned to Joy
or at least art
there’s nothing left of me
what’s left in your arms
i did so much harm
i’m lookin' out for
number one, baby
you were the one
you were the one
you were the one
and i felt your touch
and i felt your lungs
i wish you could see me now
i’m in a shape you would not Love (but…)
how can i reconcile these disparate people i am?
how could i recompile all these fragments?
i’m lookin’ out for my self-interest
you gotta believe me now i thought it could be good for us
to be individuals again
to elect what we want
to be or become (mmm)
didn’t you know the end is built into the beginning?
i thought i could write you out of your prison
couldn’t do a fucking thing
tell me what it is you want
i want to save you
can’t be your Jesus-Superman
it comes from inside
i’m glad i was along for the ride
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5. |
atheism
04:29
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take me to Zion
take it away
all the pain all the fear
all that there is to blame
there is none to blame
take me away
take me to the Place where they say there’s
only milk and honey
we’ll build it on
we’ll build Babylon
on the backs of giants we slay on our way
Goddam decay
is the way of the
growth
we’re born and reborn
we die to our old lives
and we are reborn we are reborn as you cut off the
branch, to prune
it regrows
everybody knows
it doesn’t grow old
just dies and regenerates
take me to the Promised Land
You said You’d take me by my hand
and i believed You when
You Loved me Forever, forever then
i guess
forever then i guess
i don’t know where
the Spirit leads
but an Angel of the Lord
told me there’s no score
He told me there’s only
a belly of the whale you fall in
if you’re faithless
there’s no Heaven
but if you’re faithless
then there’s no hell
i’m waiting on the Kingdom of Heaven
to come down, come down, come down, come down, come come coooooome
won’t You rise up?
show me a sign
show me in all Your Divine might
i’m tired of screamin' out to Something i’m unsure exists
i’m angry at Your children they’ve been awful i’m pissed
at all this unjustifiable nonsense
holocausts, Holy wars
slaveries, genocides and more
when does the suffering end?
is it all up to our hands?
well i’ll make a plan
follow through
unlike You
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6. |
Lover, stranger
05:11
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i don’t know how to play guitar
i just know barely how to sing along
with someone else’s beautiful song
but i went to church tonight and it didn’t feel wrong
in the presence of my friends i am cleansed
in that temple made of music those beautiful basements
i didn’t know what to say to you then
you were a handsome stranger i wanted to call friend
but i Love you the way i Love myself
i found God in you the way i saw in everyone else
and with these broken hands i’m making something to stand
on this rocky crag i’ve built my house i’ll invite you in
i Love you my friends
and in my anxious Spirit i wept
i waited Forever
but this feeling just crept
into my head
i don’t know
it’s not impersonal anymore (rrr)
i wanna kiss everyone i’ve ever met
and my chest is ripe to burst for this Love for a stranger
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7. |
crime of passion
06:12
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Goddam i fucked up again
i just wish i could see you again, call you a friend
and i’m lost wasted in the desert
not the forest
i drank from the river ’til my stomach was full
i underestimated you for the last Time
you had your reasons, had your conscious mind
but i just thought i was right
i was right
so i will write you an apology someday
sometime when i learn what i did wrong
‘cause i’m not so sure you got it right
in that last weeping fight
i’m now caught between
a rock and a hard place
i’m dancing, i’m dancing in pain
ooh, touch me
it doesn’t mean a thing
just somethin’ with no strings please
i’m jus' wasting away in a place beyond Time
where there is no metronome to guide
just broken necks and swallowed pride
i am here on your front doorstep
no i don’t have more than a dozen regrets
oohoohoohoohooh
ooh ooh ooh, oooooh ooh ooooooh
ooh ooh ooh ooooh
oooooh, ooooohohoo
ooh oohoo, i’m still wasting Time trying to heal Love
for my next Love crime
i’ve lost my Soul, lost my heart, lost my mind
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8. |
makeup
04:05
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i felt your blush on my face from a mile away
your makeup ran off my lips when we embraced
i wish i could still smell your smell, taste your taste
but there’s only this gap, this dam shadow
fill my heart, fill my lungs
put your mouth on my lap
there’s nothing more honest
than the fact that i want to be with you, i want to be you
i thought i thought i thought i thought i can’t get outta my head
i felt i felt i felt i’m a heart that bled all over your fine sheets
oh baby please be kind to me
i jus' got outta something
i jus' am filling a need
to Love and be Loved
to Love and be Loved
Love and be Loved
Love
Love…
i thought i knew what it is i’d want from you
just someone to talk to
everyman needs to find a hand to hold
as he grows old
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9. |
from first to last
05:18
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i haven’t moved on
your voice is still with me
singing in harmony, singing in discord
sometimes i get bored
and i imagine what it’d be like to be out of this thing
then i think what then?
so i repeat myself in Plato’s cave
oh, all these fiery apparitions
tempting me, dancing hard, feeling feelings i haven’t felt in a while
why won’t i let them in, let them in, let them in, let them in i can’t
‘cause i’m making decisions for two now and always
i Love my girlfriend i Love her more than anything
more than myself
more than my histories
more than my friends
more than my family
there’s comes a Time, comes a Time, comes a Time
when a man must let go and find his wife
but if i can’t make a child with you
then where will we go?
down in the dark
i have ambitions now bigger than you thought
oh, you did not respect my wi-ii-iishes
i want it all
you were my first but won’t be my last
you were my first you won’t be my last
you were my first you won’t be my last
you were my first you won’t be my laaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaast
you were my first Forever and always
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10. |
no vacancy
03:58
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i am tired of being out of my mind
i’m so tired and could use a good night’s rest
i’m feelin' tired, feelin' abused, feeling used and alone
i need a home
won’t you reveal your Place of rest?
i’ve lost my self, lost all of my urges
i leaned in for a taste of your Sacred, Sacredness
and now there’s nothin' left of me, just a feeling, just a Place i’d still like to go
don’t you know it’s all worthless?
all these expressions of divorce, loss
nothin' ever changes much or at all
nothin' ever changes for the patient one
i got burned waitin' on the setting sun
i didn’t know you knew how to raise to my head a loaded gun
i borrow and i steal to say what i needed to say
i miss you tomorrow, Forever, today and yesterday
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11. |
labyrinth
05:56
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i think you’re great
i’m jus' powerless
to help you clean your mess
i just wish
i could do something about it
there’s all this poison in my chest
and i’ve been waiting on the cure from your Love
waiting on the cure
panacea, panacea
i made the wrong connection i missed my train
i’ve been followin' your blog
haven’t written in quite a while
oh my God i Love your smile (mmm)
you are Everything to me
‘cuz i’m so imperfect you’ve found
my secret's out
i don’t know what i’m doin’ (nnn)
i don’t have much rhyme or reason
i was just tryin' to make something honest
there’s only us, there’s no Truth left
there’s only blood and guts, words, and feelings
i don’t know, i don’t know, i don’t know
i jus' have this feeling, i jus' heard this poem, i jus' heard your mouth scream
i don’t know my way out, i don’t know my way out
i thought i could follow the heroes before me
and find my way out of the labyrinth of Love
and now’s there no end
no end
no end
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12. |
telepathy
02:57
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i keep writing these simple songs to reach you
they’ll never reach you
i’m scared of the fact that i don’t know where my next meal comes from
i’m still holdin' on, i haven’t let go, not completely
i still like your head and next to me is your body when i’m dreamin’ of the good Times
don’t let go, don’t let go
don’t let go, don’t let me go
i thought i knew you not completely though
i felt your arms around my throat
and it woke me up
i wanna die in your arms not by your hands
so drown me out, drown me down if it’s what you want
torch my house, torch it all down
you’re angry now, i’ve been angry too
i wrote this song to get to you
will it get to you?
it won’t get to you
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13. |
my bitter half
04:02
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you don’t know the other half it
there’s stories left to be told
memories have two sides to
anything
don’t hold back from me
don’t hold back from me
don’t ho-oh-old down your feelings
don’t be wrong
don’t wait
don’t be long
don’t don’t don’t
what is the worth of my art?
it sprung forward from the overabundance of my heart
am i too self-serious?
am i a burden to unleash these doubts
on every friend who will listen?
i’m jus' getting it out
vomit helps you release
it’s a biological need
like food shelter warmth and sex
i need another person in my bed
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14. |
Omnipresent
02:32
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adventure cometh on the day off
i am finding out who i really am
You show me what i want for myself and i'm
always amazed so i’m writing You another song
i don’t know
where i end
and God begins inside of You, but
i see It wherever i go
there’s only this kindness i’ve found in people who are godless
You are sweet it’s plain to see, plain to see
i wish that Your heart had not been split open so meanly
the world is cruel but you are
God to me
God to me-eee-eee
i thought i knew, i thought i knew what it was i'd want from this life
i thought i knew, i thought i knew You but We keep getting pulled apart
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15. |
God-shaped hole
03:18
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[this one goes out to all the people i’ve been makin' up in my head]
it’s all a simulation
and i keep losing the plot
nothing adds up or lines together
not since i lost Her
there’s this hole in my brain
the part of me that still belongs to Someone Else
i try to include You
You were God to me
don’t take the path
of anger regret at the Time We shared
don’t be mad
it’s not You it’s me
i want to be by myself
and happy
i keep livin’ for these Idealized Platonic visions of my friends
it’s all i can do
Love my neighbor as i erase my Soul
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16. |
the hydra's path
04:26
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i don’t know where the path leads
i’m jus' tryin’ to find some answers
i’m lookin’ out for me
and feelin’ empty
but it’s self-Love
that guides my tender heart and hands
no i don’t have a plan
i thought you of all people would understand
there’s this Never-Ending nature to everyone
everyone has a path, a choice to make or to shake
there is Peace left to make
so now we found a way out
and i wish i could be my own man again, again, again, again
there’s only this moment, nothing else
there’s only you and me, and all our faults
it goes on Forever
the hydra can’t be killed
a swift and mighty deathblow
cuts off all the heads at once
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17. |
tears for fears
07:27
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taste the poison apple darlin' i’m jus' fine
i’ve been waiting on a poison apple to erase my mind
there’s no antivenom there’s just all this pain
i waited on Time to warp and erase
there’s only this toxic feeling
i’ve been waiting on you to hammer back into me
there’s only this rotten corpse i’m breathin' in
there’s only this warped shook shaking
i’ve written songs that took too long to reach
i’ve written poems that cannot find your house
whisper sweetly in my dream
give me somethin' to believe in
i’m losin' my mind i cannot find you
cannot find Peace, cannot find you
but darling please don’t be far from me
please come back home, come back home
i’m so sorry i didn’t believe
i didn’t believe
didn’t believe
didn’t believe
didn’t believe
now i’m jackhammering your head
and i’m the one who wants to be caught off-guard stabbed and dead
[many measure guitar solo]
now i don’t have any feeling left
i’m jus' dumb, dead, bereft
i been weeping a thousand Times today
i’ve been out of my mind i’ve been out of Time and in pain
now there’s only an echo of your voice in my veins
i’m dumb, deaf, blind, bereft, bereaved, insane
i wish i could have stayed
but i walked away
i don’t know what i’m to do with this fear
i’ll jus' present it to my peers
give me some tears please i’m out
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18. |
after eros
04:36
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i’m alive for now
i’m waiting on a, starship to come down
and save me from this cloud
don’t be far from me now
don’t let me down
my hand grows listless as my head
i sometimes worry that i’m better off…
but i’m reminded there's someone pretty
who loves me conditionally
sometimes i think i’m better off…
but then i’m reminded
someone out there who’s pretty Loves me
so i march along to the beat of my drum
and i wait for you to come along
and i been waiting for a long, Goddam Time
won’t you hurry up?
hurry up, hurry up?
and now i go down in flames
i’m to blame
sometimes i think i’m better off…
i’ve grown listless like my hand, traveled up my arm
through my neck, up to my head
sometimes i worry that i’m better off!…
alone...
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19. |
Time spent wasted
05:33
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i wasted my Time
arguing a point that was dead
tryin' to breathe life into a relationship
that could not hold water
buoyant but sinking now
i'm ready to drown
captain with his ship goes…
i wasted my Time
that’s what she said
wasted her life
that’s what i dread
there’s nothing left out there
just grief and misery
there’s no one here
but me
so it’s Time i stopped playing
it’s Time i stopped playing
so give me a reason not to try for your heart
i’ll try to stay apart, from you
i’ll do my part, stay away from you
whatever you need
whatever you need
mmm, mmm
mmm, mmm
mmm, mmm
not every stone needs to be turned
not every answer has to be learned
not every question has to be asked
not every confession has to come to pass
not every lesson has yet been learned
i am yet unheard, unseen
it’s absurd to keep this thing going
i don’t want to keep... going
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20. |
Love to Love
07:00
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there’s all these practical aspects of my
disappearing act
there’s all these untouched Love marks
still on my bed
i couldn’t wash them off
there’s all these feelings, memories in my head
and i’m feeling every feeling that is left
won’t you believe me when i tell you that
i still Love yo-oo-ooo-ou?
and i’ve lost track of Time
since i thought to do this thing
but now all i can think of is Ti-ii-ii-ime
it’s been 34 days since i made your weeping face weep
and there’s no answer
to “why must you leave?"
just hold me
i’m a pathetic excuse for a human being
just hug me
i’m waiting for the Time it’ll be okay
so now i play guitar for myself
hey remember that Time i got so overwhelmed
and i failed you so many Times
i know you didn’t mean to say i, say i, say i failed you
or maybe you did and that’s all i deserve
maybe you did and that’s what i earned
the difference between what was felt and what was said
sometimes i wonder if i’m better off dead
to all the hurt that’s here as of yet
and i’m waiting on a si-ii-ii-ign
that maybe instead we could just be alright
what a fantasy of mine
why is the Universe unkind?
or are we unkind and we’re a reflection of our environment?
oh, this nature we nurture
oh, the triumph of failures
oh, the lightning bolt of mistakes
and oh, the Love we Loved to make
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imperfectionist Seattle, Washington
inward and outward, breaths ripple like waves across the surface of an ocean, from the origin point, YHWH.
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